If you don’t like my pity party get lost. I”m not writing this for you. I’m writing it for me. Read the rest of this entry »

Babbled by Immi.
Tags: bipolar, c-ptsd, diabetes, my life, sick
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Posts Tagged “sick”If you don’t like my pity party get lost. I”m not writing this for you. I’m writing it for me. Read the rest of this entry » ![]() Babbled by Immi. Tags: bipolar, c-ptsd, diabetes, my life, sick
On top of everything else, I just got diagnosed as diabetic. I feel completely overwhelmed. I spend so much energy trying to manage the bipolar disorder and PTSD and asthma and COPD. Now this to manage too? I’m not sure I can. My life is becoming just a series of things to manage and not much else. It hardly seems worth getting up in the morning. Situational depression speaks. ha! Oh well. I do have the option of just ignoring the diabetes. It’s occurred to me. But I did watch my grandmother go blind and die of diabetic complications. I’m not sure I’d mind it killing me. I’d mind going blind very much though, and I’d mind all the suffering along the way. So I guess I will have to manage this too. I don’t feel the least bit up to the task. And oh yeah, the gut spasms I had that were supposedly caused by the Abilify came back. Is it the lamotrigine? IBS? Colon cancer? Trying to get in to see the GI guy to find out. And my business is completely going down the tubes. On the plus side… errrrr… no one I know has died in the last few weeks. My cat is cute and snuggly. I’m not bald. That’s all I can think of at the moment. Life is just pretty much sucking. ![]() Babbled by Immi. Tags: bipolar, c-ptsd, depression, diabetes, mental illness, sick I just realized that my sense that things will be ok eroded almost completely over the last year. I didn’t really notice until now that it’s starting to come back a little. Can I lay that erosion at the door of bipolar disorder? Some. Not all. Being hit by a truck that didn’t see my red car pulling out of the parking lot made the first half of last year difficult to say the least. Months of pain, fighting with doctors over it, surgery, PT, all the legal crap, people harassing me for payments I didn’t have until the legal stuff was settled. All that lasted well into October. And by September I had realized that though my knee is “fixed” it will never be right again. I will always have trouble and pain when the weather changes, or if I sit too long at a desk, or if I stand too long. And I can’t do a damned thing about the weather, so I’m stuck with a messed up knee until I exit stage left. This has not helped me feel things will be ok. Bipolar disorder gets its fair share of blame for this erosion, though. The Trileptal that helped my bipolar symptoms so much ultimately gave me such bad gastritis we thought I had an ulcer. So that had to go. I tried Abilify, which worked nicely, but appeared to give me gut spasms not to mention the county would no longer pay for it and I sure couldn’t. So within a year I started up on a third bipolar med. Encouraging? Not particularly. Then there’s the gut spasm abdominal pain itself. That’s gone on for months on and off. We don’t even really know what it is. That doesn’t encourage hopefulness. Nor does the rest of my health stuff over the past year. I’ve had bronchitis twice I think it was, once that lasted almost 2 months. I’ve also had colds and the flu. Then there’s the financial problems. When you’re as sick as all that so constantly, working properly and consistently is almost impossible. So… severe financial problems just because I wasn’t able to earn as much. Now that I’m looking at my eroded sense that things will be ok, when I stop to see what’s contributed to that, I realized I’m not so nuts. Most anyone would feel emotionally worn down after dealing with all this in just a year. Somehow that makes me feel a little more hopeful. I’m still crossing my fingers and knocking on wood. But hey, two months ago I wouldn’t have bothered because I was convinced nothing could possibly help. I like having a little light at the end of the tunnel. ![]() Babbled by Immi. Tags: bipolar, meds, my life, sick I had an odd afternoon. For about 3 hours I was totally calm. A little dizzy feeling too. But totally calm and detached. I have no clue why. It just hit me a while after lunch. It went away on its own as well. Kind of nice. I could live like that. I would like to live like that, rather than my normal flapping around of late. I still haven’t gotten my feet back on the ground after PTSD episode knocked them out from under me. I’m improving, though. Not every little thing knocks me over now. Just some of them. This is better. My biggest concern the past few days is a massive flare-up of acute gastritis. The OMG please just kill me and get it over with sort. Dear mum commented that she knew it made eating a problem. Oh heck, if that was all I’d be fine. Unfortunately it makes eating and sleeping and sitting and working and everything else a problem when it feels like you have a bomb and a vat of acid in your gut. It’s finally calming down wiht the help of mylanta and ranitidine, on top of the nexium i take all the time. ![]() Babbled by Immi. Tags: c-ptsd, my life, PTSD, sick Depression decided to calm down. Not entirely, but I no longer feel like planning my own funeral. So that’s good. I love when the bipolar shakes down enough to let me live somewhat peacefully. The only good thing I can say for rapid cycling is that if I don’t like what’s going on, wait a day or two and it’ll pass. Of course, this asthmatic breathing stuff has been hassling me long enough now and my peak flow is low enough that I figured I have asthmatic bronchitis. Yep, sure enough. Doc was a hoot, actually. I saw one of my reg doc’s colleagues, but I gave the nurse a ton of info.. peak flow, how long, etc. So he walked in and said, “You know what you have. I know what you have. So let’s make this quick so you can get out of here.” He even brought scripts already printed out. I laughed my butt half off. Then wheezed a lot. He listened to chest… duhr, I can hear the wheezing without a stethoscope. It probably sounded like aboriginals with weird instruments to him. Yep, asthmatic bronchitis. As usual. We discussed meds and quit smoking stuff esp in light of the bipolar stuff and my sensitivity to meds. But there’s not really anything to do except the usual. So guess what. I get to take more prednisone! No one’s going to die of that surprise. I’m going to start just having it as a snack at this rate. Who knows what this will do to my mood or the rest of my mind. Everybody groan with me… Grrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooan. Thankyaverymuch. I haven’t a clue how to get there from here without jumping off something tall, but I really want to quit wrecking my ability to breathe by smoking. Doc said gum might help me more than patch because it also helps replace habit type stuff. Haven’t tried it in some 20 years, so might give that method a go again. Can’t hurt. Might help. On the bright side, my knee is continuing to improve. Praise the lawd! ![]() Babbled by Immi. Tags: bipolar, mental health, my life, sick Nope, I don’t have swine flu. I’d be all over falling out by now if the doc hadn’t called that one right. This mystery virus-induced fever is going away. I only had a very slight fever today, so I felt much better. I think I’ll keep going this direction. *nods in a definite sort of way* I will absolutely be happy to get rid of the fever-induced mood swings. Gotta love my mother when she says everyone gets depressed and cruddy feeling when they’re sick. Yep, most likely. But does everyone get kinda manic and start wanting to cleaning out the recycling stuff and breaking down boxes at midnight because well it just needs to be done and wth I’m up so I might as well do it and after that I can clean the bathroom and…? Ok, you get the point. Nah, not normal, average, whatever you’d like to call it. Welcome to my bipolar life. LOL Frankly, I prefer they hypomania over depression for how it feels, but it is not so hot for getting well. Kind of hard to rest and heal when your head and body are trying to go a thousand miles a minute. And even worse when your head is going a thousand miles a minute but your body is going so slow you can hardly get it to move to the bathroom before accidents occur. Fortunately, none of the weird mood and energy shifts stay long. Get the fever down with a tylenol and the weird mood/energy stuff tends to drop off too. And hey, isn’t it handy I have this oddball mood thermometer to tell me when I have a fever? *snortgiggle* I am happy I haven’t lost too much ground on the PT front, as far as my knee goes. I’ve kept up the flexibility stuff, and it’s actually still improving. I’m ——> <———- this close to being able to get back into a half lotus position. Yay! I used to sit in a half lotus at the pc all the time, and I miss it. I’ve done about a third to half the strength stuff daily too, so I haven’t lost much ground there. I can tell I’m not where I was at the end of last week, but it’s not too bad. So I’m pleased overall. I hope that tomorrow is feverless so that Friday I can go to PT. I’ll ask Mr PT to go a little easy on me so I don’t overexert and end up feverish again, but I really want to go and start getting back on track to getting over this whole knee injury stuff. And oh yeah, don’t forget to stop by Chato’s Cartoon-a-Thon for Mental Health Awareness Month daily. It’s a hoot. Gotta laugh at this stuff or we’d really go nuts ![]() Babbled by Immi. Tags: bipolar, depression, hypomania, my life, sick Well, it didn’t end up too bad. A bit fraught with ups and downs. But it worked out ok. What is it? Dealing with the doctors. Spoke to ortho surgeon’s nurse today. She thought it was probably ok to have surgery immediately since I’m ok even tho I’m on antibiotics. I was so excited at the idea of possibly getting my knee fixed next week. Unfortunately surgeon did not agree. He wants to wait until I’ve finished the antibiotics. I think it’s probably the idea that I had to have a pulmonology consult that makes him concerned. Oh fooey anyway. I’ll finish the antibiotics April 12th. So his nurse will call me Monday and set up the surgery for immediately after that. I’ll probably end up having my surgery bright and early on April 13th. Suits me. I told the nurse I want it as soon as humanly possible after I finish the antibiotics. Let’s just get this over with. Anyway, in a couple of days I’ll know for sure what date. Then I can dance a one-legged jig. The two legged jig has to wait til after the surgery. Oh, I did get my painkillers, thank goodness. If all this illness hadn’t been documented, they probably would think I’m just trying to get vicodin or something. But no, I’ve had x-rays and pulmonology consult and the whole ball of wax. I’ll trade the vicodin for surgery… just wait! (Wish I didn’t have to LOL) ![]() Babbled by Immi. Tags: my life, sick |