The Lemons and Crap Rule

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you crap, don’t make anything. Trust me on this.”

The Rule of Holes:

“When you find yourself in one, stop digging.”

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The Second Rule of Holes:

“When you find yourself one, don’t try to dig yourself out.”

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The List of Things Not to Do

(Updated 9/27/07)

1) Do not put your hand in the garbage disposal
2) Do not kick the edges of desks, chairs, walls, doors, etc while barefoot.
3) Do not stick wire in your eye. (aka the One Rule of Wire Sculpture, according to Elizabeth B)
4) Do not crawl around under desk and hurt your back.
5) Do not drive half naked with a vacuum pump on your penis.
6) Don’t eat bursted beans.

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Halloween Candy Rule #1:

You may not buy a bag of Halloween candy to eat yourself.

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Halloween Candy Rule #2:

You may buy 5 bags of Halloween candy for the 1 bag-worth of trick-or-treaters you expect, then eat the 4 left-over bags of candy.

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Rule of Self-Destruction

People who are determined to self-destruct should be allowed to do so without interference. It’s cruel to keep them from what they truly want, and it makes life easier for the rest of us. (Well, as long as they do it peacefully as far as it goes towards the rest of us. Violence can be stopped, yep.)

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