“a migraine ate my brain then the migraine meds had me for lunch then the bipolar meds had what was left for dessert” ~~ me

About the blog… Rated R and for adults only because I’ll say what I want, and some of that patently isn’t the sort of thing some parents want their kids to see.  So if you’re under 18, skeedaddle now.  Yes, there are terms of use for this blog, they’re blunt and to the point.  You can find them here.

About Immi…I am not a doctor or other medical professional of any sort. I just blog about my experiences and opinions. I keep going in spite of the migraines and abuse and mental illness and so on because…. Why? I often forget exactly why, but it’s a habit by now.

The quick and dirty: I live with multiple mental illnesses, which makes life interesting if not always pleasant. I was abused as a kid, and all sorts of other weird things, so I’ve had a kind of weird life. I’m currently on a tear of trying so actively get help and help my mental health myself that it’s eclipsed most of the rest of my life. I’m also smart, introverted, creative, funny, and have a dislike of groups. And I actually haven’t had a migraine in about a year now, maybe more. I think the anti-convulsant bipolar meds killed them, which suits me just fine. 30 years of migraines was plenty.

And by the way, Immi is not the name I was born with. Nor the one that people offline call me. Yes, I’m anonymous. More or less, anyway. I’ve changed the name to protect… me. If I ever want to get a regular job, I don’t want my blog held against me, and that sort of thing. Not to mention that some of my childhood abusers are still alive and I don’t want them riding up my ass because of this blog. The domain and web hosting and such I’ve acquired through a local lady’s company and pay her with cash so my real name isn’t anywhere in it, on it, or attached to it.  So… Immi it is. It’s really me, though the name is one I took on myself.

… Oh, and if you got this far and want to get in touch, it’s immithemad AT gmail (dot) com. Smoosh it and whatnot. I haven’t had time to deal with the crypto thingy so spamasses can’t easily harvest it. You see, my secret decoder ring is missing. It must be around here somewhere though….

This is my life, such as it is, and my view of the world from varying days’ perspectives, such as that is too. Welcome to my life. ~~ Immi

100 Things About Immi

1. I have bipolar disorder NOS - rapid cycling; which was misdiagnosed for 30 years as various things.
2. I’m a woman who finally talked the docs into spaying her at age 39. (Good thing, those stupid ovaries were killing me. Literally.)
3. I’ve been blessed times beyond counting (or I wouldn’t be alive to blog today)
4. I’ve got a quirky sense of humor
5. Often I have more heart than sense
6. Got some great friends
7. I’ve got talents and skillz, lots of talents and skillz, actually
8. I’m phobic about math. Fortunately I’m not a calculator-phobe too.
9. I dooo have a thang for Johnny Depp (can you say e-y-e-c-a-n-d-y?)
10. I have another thang for Brad Pitt (can you say e-y-e-c-a-n-d-y again?)
11. I always wanted screaming green eyes instead of the mooshy weird hazel color they are now.
12. Apparently I have great taste in fine things but little need for many of them.
13. A peculiar religious background is my heritage. (Presbyterian until about age 11, then Quaker, attending the Holy Roman Catholic Church for a couple of years, then later practicing Wicca for a couple of years)
14. Don’t got no religion any more, but a great deal of spirituality. If you can’t figure out the different, I suggest you stay with your traditional church.
15. I survived a childhood of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse my my father and his mother.
16. I’d be more than happy to give to you my 30 spare pounds.
17. I have a temper I seldom show to strangers. Sadly, people close to me are not as lucky.
18. I have a penis. It’s carved of quartz and about an inch tall, but handy to ensure proper attention at the mechanics.
19. Since i was 10 or 11 years old, I’ve had migraines and cluster headaches on and off.
20. I had intercostal neuritis that took years to diagnose, and finally let up mostly after starting the bipolar meds, go figure. Now it bothers me once in a blue moon, which is ok with me. That’s far better than the chronic pain problem it was for years.
21. I have bipolar meds now and that’s made my life a ton better.
22. I am a clean and sober alcoholic/addict. /* clean and sober for over 13 years from cocaine and booze addiction as well as sundried abuse of other substances over the years preceding getting clean */
23. I am owned by a bunch of cats
24. I am an internet junky.
25. I’m smart enough to know I’m not that much of a genius, just a little one, and even that is in doubt now with the cognitive issues caused by my bipolar meds.
26. I have COPD/asthma. The docs can’t seem to decide exactly what.
27. I love love love to read.
28. I love to write too.
29. I still see myself as the anorexic teenager I was.
30. I don’t look at all like that anorexic teenager any more.
31. I have Complex-PTSD or Borderline Personality Disorder no doubt from childhood abuse and rape and so on. The docs can’t decide which to call it.
32. I’m allergic to penicillin, grass, oak.
33. I love the way thunderstorms make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
34. I am an artist of sorts.
35. Art of sorts is what I do for a living.
36. I am terrified of flying insects that sting or are small enough to get into ears.
37. I actually remember just enough of the 8 years of Spanish I’ve studied to be able to ask for the bathroom and confuse the hell out of non-native Spanish speakers who didn’t study so hard that they started to dream in Spanish.
38. I loved to dance once upon a time.
39. I’ve been divorced twice. That was much smarter than getting married either time. Those poor men.
40. A number of my best friends are in other state or countries and I’ve yet to meet them in person.
41. I’ve met up offline with ohhhhhhhh 150 or so people that I first met online.
42. I’ve lived in 5 different states. I keep coming back to my home state, even though that’s not the state I was born in.
43. I love cheese.
44. I don’t love cheese with blue or green bits.
45. I have a stalker for an ex-husband. Ex-husband #2 stalked me after I threw him out, right up until he tried to break into the apt I was in at the time, which prompted me to threaten to kill him the next time he got within a half mile of me. He never bothered me again, so I must have been quite believeable. Probably because I meant it.
46. I am a Reiki Master/Teacher.
47. I can herd cats if I really have to.
48. Three times in my life I’ve struck someone on purpose. In all 3 cases it was appropriate behavior.
49. Many times in my life I’ve not struck someone when I probably should have.
50. I wear blue jeans 99% of the time.
51. I hate the hospital.
52. I love teal and purple.
53. I actually made it through art school at a University and got a predominantly worthless piece of paper for my efforts.
54. The most useful thing I learned in school was how to learn.
55. The second most useful thing I learned in school was how to problem-solve.
56. Aside from some technical stuff, I didn’t learn much else useful, but I had a lot of fun.
57. I seem to have forgotten to learn racism, which was quite odd considering I was born in the South.
58. I have other arrogances.
59. I can’t seem to faint when I really probably should.
60. I live under the eaves. It’s cozy.
61. I still smoke cigarettes. That addiction I can’t seem to break. Yet.
62. I prefer black cats.
63. I love 80’s music.
64. I have eclectic taste in many things.
65. I dislike having a sleep schedule but do it because it makes my life better.
66. I’m down to one diet coke a day most days, at two a day tops.
67. I have 5 backups of my pc data at all times. Some in the pc, some external, and one is offsite.
68. I used to be a system administrator. Cool job for a person with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree, huh?
69. I chant mantras sometimes. I used to chant them daily.
70. I can believe or disbelieve at will, most cases.
71. I don’t find the difference between reality and fantasy to be important, most cases.
72. I focus on what works when I’m dealing with reality.
73. I don’t much care if medication works due to a placebo effect or a chemical effect, as long as it works.
74. I used to work in a pharmacy school, and know quite a lot about medications because of that. It gave me a taste for learning about meds.
75. I lose at least 20 IQ points from the bipolar meds I take. Fortunately I can still type and make art, though, so I consider it a reasonable trade.
76. I handle death better than most people. I once considered becoming a thanatologist.
77. I help people. A lot. I like doing it.
78. I once sat on the family pew at a Jewish wedding at the family’s invitation. The mother said I was cool for a Gentile.
79. I love hot Krispy Kreme donuts. Not so much the cool ones.
80. I am a chocoholic.
81. I liked Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons more than his Da Vinci Code.
82. I collect rocks.
83. I played Dungeons and Dragons avidly when I was a teenager. I never tried to commit suicide during that period.
84. One of the first “grown up” books I ever read was The Lord of the Rings series by Tolkein. Another one was T.H. White’s The Once and Future King. I was 8 or 9 at the time.
85. I love classic science fiction, fantasy and cyberpunk novels. I also like historical fiction as long as it doesn’t go too far into the mooshy romantic realm.
86. I finally came to the conclusion that I’m about 70/30 hetero/homo-sexual. Not sure what to call it though. Sorta bi?
87. I prefer quality to quantity in life. Except in knick knacks.
88. I come from a long line of packrats.
89. I can’t decide if I’d like to live to be 100 like my great-grandmother or not.
90. I’ve only ever met one human being who I thought truly and fully accepted me as I am.
91. I love music and air conditioning. I prefer to listen to the music, though.
92. I can build handcode HTML but hate to.
93. I’ve had a website of some sort or other online since 1995.
94. Idiots drive me nuts.
95. I get most of my cleaning supplies from the dollar store.
96. I don’t wear shoes with heels over 1/2″ high. Period. I gave them up in the mid 90’s and never went back.
97. I survived a survival school once. By the skin of my teeth.
98. I prefer civilization thankyouverymuch.
99. I’ve worked for myself for almost a decade now and haven’t starved yet.
100. I love laughing.