That’s what my therapist said when I saw her yesterday. Well, that was cheery, I tell you. But she was right. She never saw me when I first showed up at County mental health and had to be hospitalized with a horrid mess of bipolar mixed mania.
The downward spiral had gotten worse. I hurt all over so badly I could only walk very slowly. Crying on and off. Felt like dying, but no energy to do anything about it but sit on a chair and just hope I’d croak. But I made it to the therapist to look the worst she’d ever seen.
Btw, Yes, I do think the positive thinking and action helped. I could have been far worse off, and have been in the past like I was when I had to be hospitalized.
She asked questions, looked over my mood chart, and noticed that I’d been going down hill quickly since I’d started the Zyprexa. Yeah, so I see. She asked what I thought about that. I said I figured knowing that, that I should stop taking it. She asked if she should contact Lady Dr. Shrink about stopping it. No, it’s a PRN I’ve only taken a few days, and I don’t PR the N if it is what appears to be making me suicially depressed. So I told her I wouldn’t take it last night. She made me agree to call her today and tomorrow to check in, regardless. She pointed out also that not only had I started the Zyprexa a few days ago, but I also had recently upped my Trileptal per LDShrink orders, so maybe it was just too much at once. Who knows. But at least I left with a plan, even though I didn’t feel like it had any chance in hell of working.
I didn’t take the Zyprexa last night. I didn’t sleep all that well. I guess from not having such sedating stuff in my body. But I woke up feeling decent today. Not depressed. Not hyper or racing mind, though. Well hell’s bells, that’s a huge improvement. Maybe the stuff did its job and broke the back of the mixed mania. But sheesh. What a way to break it.
I called and checked in. My job here is done. Going to a movie later. 
Babbled by Immi.
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I’m glad that by not taking the Zyprexa you’re able to feel better. Hopefully things will level out now. You’re able to keep on top of things which is a gigantic plus.
Lauras last blog post..Disjointed Thoughts for July 9/09
You may not feel like it but as an outsider reading your blog you seem extremely in tune with your cycles and your meds. Sometimes having a plan, even if it ends up not being the right plan is helpful for me.
michelles last blog post..Task Oriented
Laura – Thanks. And thank goodness.
Michelle – I try to stay self-aware and keep an eye on it all constantly. I don’t much like having to be drugged out of my skull to keep the really rough stuff at bay, so I work hard to avoid having to. Requires a lot of self-awareness and a lot of support. Thankfully I do and have both. Phew
((((Immi))))
Stay safe. hope you enjoyed your movie. I hope things get back on track for you soon!
Jenas last blog post..Yesterday’s Appt.
Thanks Gena