.. so I figure I can beat up guys who run into my car like Rose in the insurance commercial. “Forgiveness? Here’s your forgiveness.” Whapwhapwhap.

Ok, the cane is actually for the balance problems that have come and gone with the Lamictal. It’s that or just crash over on the ground, sometimes. But when it’s that bad, I’m so out of it feeling or drunk feeling or whatever you’d call it, I doubt I’d be bothered by the crash. I’d probably be bothered by the having to get up though.  It’s sort of sad and sort of comical that I’ve had problems enough with it that my buddy bought me my very own cane.

Lurching around

I sort of doubt I could hit the guy who asked for forgiveness anyway. With the blurred and double vision coming and going, I wouldn’t know which of the two of him to hit. Or even if he was the right guy, he might be so blurry. Best not be whapping about randomly. Someone could get hurt that way, and then I’d be the one asking for forgiveness.

“Fill my eyes with that double vision
No disguise for that double vision
Ooh, when it gets through to me, it’s always new to me
My double vision always seems to get the best of me”

Tonight I had to bum a ride from my mother to a friend’s house for dinner. This was the first time she’d really seen me lurch around quite so crazily. I do believe it alarmed her. And she’s worried about my vision being screwed up. I told her not to worry, I can get around with the cane and the vision stuff will pass too.  I’ll give it a week for this round of the usual side effects to pass, and if they don’t, well hell’s bells, I’ll have to go back down a step.

She said, “You really amaze me.  This stuff is kicking your ass and you’re still cheerful and determined about it.”

Well Ma, I dislike bipolar stuff far more than I dislike this stuff.  I spent the better part of a year in and out of mixed bipolar espisodes and that is very much like having gone to hell and lived to tell about it.  Compared to mixed manias side effects feel like a cakewalk to me.  Maybe I’ll even win a cake at the end.

Careful, I’m slathering and slapping metaphors all over tonight.  I’ll blame it on the meds.

Yes, I suppose I’m amazing.  This stuff is really kicking my butt. And for a couple months now, I’ve plugged on through in spite of vanishing and returning side effects, some of which really suck.  But I don’t feel very amazing. I do it because I want to find a way to stay away from those bipolar mixed states and not have side effects like this gastritis in the long run that make my life nasty.  Transient side effects until my body adjust, those I can live with. And so far they keep going away within 2 weeks.  I am, as of last night, one week into this last dosage adjustment.  So I’ll know in a week if I can tolerate this medication for the long haul.  I hope to give the cane away to someone who needs it more at the end of that week.

In the meanwhile I’ll wobble like a weeble, laugh like I’m stoned, and see the world through blurry eyes.  And if I can find the cause of all this, I’ll whack it with my new cane

 
 I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. 
~~Thomas A. Edison

This entry was posted on Monday, October 6th, 2008 at 1:25 am and is filed under bipolar, laughter, meds. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.